The Floo’s…or maybe it’s Flies (Part 1)

Part of being a good Stealth Kitty is being patient.Sometimes you have to be very patient especially when it comes to the annoying Floo’s or maybe it’s  Flies. Yes, I’m pretty sure you humans call it Flies. They are pesky little  buggers that drive me crazy!!!! Well at least at first they did.

My favorite place to make sure the house is secure  is in the window. A nice big window.

As I was sitting there one day this small black thing flew down close to my face…

What in the world?! What was that?

All I could here was this strange buzzing.

Where is that coming from?

I looked around and around, then all of a sudden I saw a quick flash of black.

Whoah! What was that?

All of a sudden the small black thing landed and I  got a good look at it.

I went over and stared at it. It had the weirdest eyes I had ever seen in my life! It sat there very calmly while I look at it. When I wasn’t sure what it was, I asked it..

Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude, or nosy, but what are you?

“Izzz’m a Flyzzz.”

A what?  It had the weirdest accent I’d ever heard.

“Izzz’m a Flyzzz.”

You’re a Floos?

“No, “Izzz’m a Flyzzz.”

Oh a Fly?

“Yezzzzz”

Well at least it was very polite, and seemed nice. I decided, that since it seemed so nice and polite, I would ask it if it wanted to play…

Hey, you want to play a game?

“Zzzure, whazz iz it?”

It’s this very fun, easy game my person told me about called Tag….

 

 

Tag!

As a Stealth Kitty, there isn’t a ton of time for games, but every once in a while things do slow down and my person play this game she calls “Tag.” Let me tell you, I was a little skeptical at first….but it’s the funnest thing EVER!!!!!

It all started one Saturday….

“You can’t get me Sassy…” my person said to me.

What do you mean I can’t get you? Of course I can get you.

“Come on Sassy, it’s a game you have to come after me and tag me.”

Tag, what does Tag mean?

“Ok Sassy, this is how you play the game. I run, then you chase after me. Once you get really close to me, then you tap my leg.”

Ooooh, so when I tap  your leg that’s the “tag” part?

“Come on, let’s try.”

My person took off running!

“Come on Sassy! You can’t get me!

Oh yes I can!!!

I dashed down the hallway, screeched around the corner, and cornered her in the bedroom. She tried to trick me on which way she was going to run. Then, I leaped at her leg!

“Hahahahaha!!!! Sassy, you don’t hug my leg!” my person said laughing at me, “you just tap it.”

Well, I wanted to make sure you knew that I tagged you. 

“You definitely got me.”

I’m not sure how long we ended up playing, but I really really really like this game!

In my expert Stealth Kitty opinion, every Kitty and Person really needs to play “Tag.”

 

 

Theodore Kitty School and the KGTNH

I overheard my person talking about how many of you kitties…I mean people… are heading back to school. I’m not 100% sure what it is people study in their schools; I only know there is a small mention of it in the KGTNH and something to do with lunch. Anywho… I know there have been some questions about the KGTNH.  Some have asked what it is.

I assume in people’s school that they use some type of book to teach out of. You know, something to teach you what to do in different situations, etc..well, that’s what the KGTNH is.

The KGTNH stands for the Kitty Guide To a New Home. That is the only book used at the Theodore Kitty School. What is the Theodore Kitty School you ask…well that’s the school I graduated from. Yes, I was one of the top graduates of the Theodore Kitty School. I went all the way through the school and then went on to the Stealth Kitty program, and graduated at the top of my class there- in record timing too.

The KGTNH taught us many things, such Math…Every Kitty needs to be able to calculate how high things are, how wide…long… All to make sure they can protect their person.

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Have you seen some of the things my person brings into this shop? I use so much math it’s ridiculous!

Then there’s important life lessons… like always clean your bowl…

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We should never be wasteful.

Another part of the stealth program is PE…Person Evaluation. This is mainly done from the shadows…you can learn more that way…

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Then theirs the most important rule of all…To always be there for your person. You see, sometimes, your person is going to have a bad day, and the best thing for them is to have a kind, loving face to see…

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The KGTNH is not 100% sure why, but 99% of the time they say it cheers your person up instantly.

Labor Day Break

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has been a faithful reader. Since many of  you Kitties…people… have what my person calls a “long weekend”, I decided a small vacation might not be bad.  My person mentioned something about grilling chicken this weekend. I’m very excited.

Be sure to come back next Thursday and I will tell you about my experience at school. Yes, Kitty’s have to go to school too.

Once again thank you for reading.

Sassy~

Interrogate! (Part 2)

OK Yardstick, you’re gonna tell me what’s really going on here….

Nothing.

I mean it! You’re  gonna tell us why you’re here and what those Shadows want you to do!

Nothing. NO movement. Nothing at all.

I looked over at the small person, she was doing a great job, she was staring that yardstick down like the best little kitty…I mean person.. I had ever seen.

At this point the yardstick hadn’t moved for about 2 minutes. I knew we were good interrogators, but I was beginning to think we had scared the thing to death! (Don’t tell anyone I though that)

Just about the time I thought we might have went a little too far, My Person and Iris came into the back room where we were.

“Ok, Sassy, you ready to go home?”

Huh?

I had been focused on the Yardstick, so I hadn’t really heard My Person. I began to look up at my person when all of a sudden…

DON”T YOU DARE!!!!!!!

The Yardstick broke it’s silence and started to leap after me ,  the Small Person, and even Iris! I leaped into action like any good Kitty would do! I leaped into the air as high as I could…

You will not hurt these people! I yelled as I land on top of the yardstick with such precision that the writers of the KGTNH would have been so proud.

“Good Job Sassy!” my person said, “You sure showed that yardstick who was boss.”

Thank you person, but there’s no time for flattery right now. We need to put this yardstick somewhere it won’t cause trouble overnight.

“How about I take that yardstick and put it in the closet for tonight?”

That would be perfect…Thank you!  Make sure you lock it please. Wouldn’t want that thing getting out and causing trouble…

Interrogate! (Part 1)

Alright yardstick, you have some serious explaining to do!

Nothing…

If you think that I’m the type of kitty that is just going to stand by while…..

Just then, my reinforcements arrived!

Now you’re going to get it yardstick!

I leaped off the table and ran to the front of the room…Iris had come back to the shop with the “Small Person.” You remember the Small Person, she helps me with the security at the shop…you know the one who squeals and has water come out of her mouth.

“Hey Sassers.”

Hello Iris, I don’t mean to be rude, but could you bring the Small Person to the back so she can help me interrogate this so-called yardstick….I have a suspicion it may be working with the Shadows.!

“What do you think,” Iris said to the Small Person, “Should we go see what’s going on in the back?”

Small Person squealed.

Yes! Thank you Small Person! I need you to show no mercy…and if necessary…I might need you to let some water fall on it (I know it’s a little harsh, but, we’ve got to get to the bottom of this!.

By the time we went back to the back room, that yardstick, had already moved to the floor!!!!

Stand back everyone! This yardstick is definitely up to no good!!!  I think it’s trying to run from us!

Why would it run? I thought to myself.

All of a sudden I realized that my worst nightmare had returned! Just when  I thought I got rid of those Shadows and all working with them…they had new Recruits!

Small Person, I”m gonna need you. Are you ready for this?

Small person gave a squeal…

OK Yardstick, you’re gonna tell me what’s really going on here….

Yardsticks (Part 2)

I last left you at….

 

AAAHHHH!!!!!!

Back… weird long thing…BACK!!!!!

Now listen here yardstick. I’m willing to forgive this little incident, but if it….aaahhh! I SAID BACK!

I had about had all a kitty could have. How dare this thing come into my shop and start jumping and attacking me! I know it kind of looked like a yardstick, but this was not a normal yardstick. I don’t care what my person said.

  1. It was not shiny like the others.
  2. It was not nice like the others
  3. It definitely did NOT smell like the others.

Ok stick, you need to calm down or else, I’m going to have to get tough! Do you UNDERSTAND?!

For the moment it seemed to calm down just a bit.

I will be right back yardstick…

I jumped off the table. I needed to clear my head. I began to pace a bit.

OK Sassy, let’s think. Why is this stick thing so CRAZY!? Well, it is in a new place. It could have been through a lot to get here… It doesn’t seem to speak Kitty…maybe it just needs to feel welcomed…YES! that’s it! I will calmly and rationally go talk to it. I will welcome it to the shop. I’ll tell it about the other yardsticks and maybe it will feel a little better. Yes, that’s what I’ll do!

I jumped back up on the table and took a different approach. I laid  down for a moment, the universal sign that you are a friend. So far, so good.

Hello there yardstick, I just wanted to say welcome…

It still lay there.

I know it’s probably been a rough day for you, but I assure you, you are going to love this shop.

Still going good…

Just then I heard, “Sassy, you ready to go home?”

My person came over to the table. “How’s it going with the yardstick Sassy?”

Well, it seems to be going a little bit…

I saw it start to move. Next thing I know it was LUNGING AT ME!!!

That’s IT! no more nice Kitty!!!!

I pounced on the yardstick. You have some serious explaining to do yardstick. I will not stand for this kind of behavior in my shop!