“Romans”…Attack!!!

The people I protect at the shop come up with the craziest names for things. Maybe it’s because I’m a Kitty, but humans just have strange names for things. For instance…a “Roman.”

We make those at the shop. I know what all you kitties out there are thinking, “What in the world is a Roman?” The best I way I know how to describe it is: a piece of fabric that humans cover there windows with, that can be rolled up an down by some weird string.

I know, kind of strange, but harmless…or at least that’s what those Romans want you think!…

“We have some many Romans to put together today,” Shannon told my person.

“I know, I can’t wait to get these out of here and installed. It’s like they’re taking over the shop,” my person said.

What!!!! Whose taking over the shop? Not on my watch they don’t! 

(I’ll be honest, I only ever “half-listen” to my person when I’m securing the shop in the morning.)

“Some of these Romans are so big,” Shannon said.

Bring it on, those Roman’s wont take over this shop…noooo they won’t. I don’t care how big they are, I’ll keep you safe.

So it began. Each Roman had to be inspected to see if they were the one that was the ring leader. It took quite a bit of time to interrogate each one. I’m only one kitty after all. I must have interrogated 10 of them when I came to number 11…

All right 11, are you the ring leader? Are you the one trying to take over the shop? Huh!  If you confess right now I’ll go easy, but if you don’t…well, it’s going to be bad.

I stared 11 down. There was just something about it, I didn’t trust it.

I’m watching you 11. I’m watching.

Just as I was about to move on to 12…AAAHHH!  It swung it’s sneaky little string out to get me!

Ah Hah! I knew you were the ring leader!  I jumped and swung back at 11 as fast as I could.  You aren’t going to hurt my people! I …will …protect… this ….shop!

It was a long, fierce battle. Number 11 gave a good fight, but it was no match for me. With one final Attack!!!  by me the battle was over. The sneaky string of 11 finally surrendered and stood still.

Now let that be a lesson to you 11. You won’t take over this shop as long as I’m here. I’m the sworn protector of this shop and the people who work here. You will NOT hurt them. DO YOU UNDERSTAND!

11’s string just stood there in silent submission.  Good, I’m glad we have an understanding.

 

Polite Little Kitties…I Mean People

In the KGTNH and when you go to Kitty School, the #1 thing that is taught, is to treat everyone else the way you would want to be treated. We should be kind and polite no matter how mean the other kitty or person is to us.

I have to remind myself of that quite often, especially when a little kitty ..person, is petting me and they rub my fur the wrong way. Literally, the wrong way.  I know humans don’t always understand, because, well, let’s face it; we kitties have WAY more fur than people do. Do you know how long it takes for a kitty to get her coat looking good in the morning!

Anywho, I wanted to tell you about the most polite little person that ever came into the shop.

It started out as a normal day, with the usual security checks, sneak attacks, and climbing. Then as I was watching from on top of my shelf, a tall person and a little person came in…

“Mom look they have a kitty in here!”

The little boy turned to my person, “Can I pet the Kitty?”

“Sure,” she said

Next thing I knew my person was holding me in her arms and we were walking  toward the little person.

Do we really have to do this? I mean I just finished getting my fur clean and in place and…

“Oh come on Sassy, it’s gonna be ok.”

I began to brace myself as we got closer.  This is going to be bad I just know it! They always rub my fur the wrong way and…

The next thing I knew the little person was petting me, and you know what; he did it the right way!!!!! I laid in my persons arms in shock!

“That’s a really nice Kitty!” the boy said, “What’s it”s name?”

“Her name is Sassy,” my person said. “She must really like you, because she usually doesn’t stay this still when people pet her.”

Well that’s because they normally mess my fur up! This person doesn’t! Can we keep him? Can We!

I was just so excited that this little person knew how to pet my fur, and was doing such a great job, that I decided to just pet him back. I mean, it was the only polite thing a Kitty could do. So I did.

“Look Mom I think she really likes me! She’s petting me back!”

“She is,” the boys Mom said kind of laughing.

I tell you what. You are the most polite little person I’ve ever met. You are welcome back at this store any time you want!

“Can we come back here again Mom? Please, I want to see Sassy again!”

YOU SPEAK KITTY TOO!!!!!!! Yes Mom, please say he can come back here!

“Sure we can.”

YES!!!!!!

To all of you reading this, please take note. Treat other kitties..I mean people the way you would want to be treated…and PLEASE, don’t rub the kitties fur the wrong way!

 

 

“Lessons”

As I told you last week, I am a music loving kitty. However, I’m not sure about this thing my person calls “Lessons.” Once a week, my person and I go over to this other place and my person teaches a bunch of little kittens (I mean people) how to play the piano and the violin.

Holy Cow!!!! There’s so many little people to keep track of, it could make a Kitty stress out enough to lose a life! It’s not that I don’t like little people, I do. But I’m only one Kitty how can I keep them all safe. One second they are in one place, then you turn around to check on the other one and that one VANISHED!!!!

I’m only one kitty!!!!!

I talked to my person about this on the way to Lessons one day.

You know I think I may need some back up making sure you and all the little kitties…I mean people..are safe during lessons.

“What’s that Sassy?”

Those little people move so fast and sometimes it’s very hard to hear because, well, I don’t mean to be rude, but the new students on the violin…they sound TERRIBLE!!!!

“Don’t you worry Sassy, everything is going to be fine.”

We went into lessons, but we did something different this time. Instead of the other little kitties staying in the room and me keeping track of them during the lesson, the leader of the little kitties…people (humans call it a Mom), took us into another room and shut the door.

Wait…What’s going on! Where’s my person?!

But then I realized, the Mom was my help! I stopped and listened. I could hear what was supposed to be music. I knew as long as I heard that, my person was ok.

Ok Mom, if you could, you watch one of your little kitties and I’ll watch the other. I know, you may be concerned about the shadows or other terrible things getting your kitty; but I promise you, now that you’re hear, I can handle anything this little kitty…person… does!

I couldn’t believe it; this Mom was a natural! I also think she spoke Kitty! She stayed with the smallest person and I kept an eye on the little bit bigger one. We played with a ball, did tag, and hide and seek. Before I knew it, the music stopped and my person opened the door.

I ran over to her. I just couldn’t believe how well this Mom worked out!

OH thank you!!!!! How we did it today was perfect! No little people ran away and this Mom is great!!!!! Can we get one fore the shop?!

I’ll have to get a letter to the writers of the KGTNH and tell them that if a kitty has a persons who teaches “Lessons” they need to find one of these Mom’s to help with the little kitties…people. A Kitty can really get a whole lot more done with a Mom around.

 

 

Kitties and Their Imaginations

I don’t know about you, but I love music! My person plays a whole bunch of different things that humans call instruments. Why are they called instruments..well, no kitty really knows – that’s what the KGTNH says.

My person plays this big tall box thing that has like a million and a half black and white things on it. I really like to sit on her lap and listen as she plays it; it almost puts me to sleep some times. One of the other things she plays is called a Villain…no, that doesn’t seem right..Violin..well, I’m not really sure, I know it starts with a V and let me tell you, there are some high notes on it. Humans have strange names for things.

Having said all of that, there’s one other musical thing that I think is my absolute favorite! My person plays this thing that can take you anywhere!!! She uses this small box thing to talk to people on, but she also can make music come out of it. There’s this one particular song she plays that make me feel like I’m a Mountain Kitty protecting my person from bad guys, or that I could take on the whole world and do anything! One day I just couldn’t help myself. I let my imagination get the best of me…

That’s the one, oh I love this song!!!

“You really like this song don’t you Sassy?”

Oh yes I do! What is the name of this music?

“You really like the Magnificent Seven theme song don’t you?”

Well that’s an odd name, but YES!!!!!

I couldn’t help it. My imagination just swept me away to another world….

Up on top of the mountain! Look at that beautiful land below, the water, the trees, just look at that beautiful creation. As I admire the beautiful scenery…Oh No, someone needs help! What is that? OH NO…Run quick go save the person! Giant killer squirrel! Dash down the mountain! The chase is on! You save the person from the giant squirrel, they are so grateful they give you some chicken and you decide to sit, and stay with them for a while. This is the life…but wait…what is that? A MOUSE…GET IT!!!!!  Off you go running through the field leaping over logs…over the crick that no normal kitty could jump over…through the trees…up the mountain…then…you finally catch it!!!! YES!!! You saved the humans again! Home you go…chicken is waiting….and just when you think it’s going to calm down…SHADOW!!!! the chase is on…out the door..up the tree.. over the creek…on top of the roof…ALMOST ..GOT… IT…

WAIT, what just happened, where’d the music go, why am I on top of the chair????

“Sassy, you are a crazy kitty,” my person says laughing.

What do you mean crazy kitty?

“Where you go when you hear that song.”

What do you mean where do I go, I was saving you from the Giant Squirrel, the Mouse and the terrible SHADOWS! I just saved you and all other humans around!

Nine Lives and the Light

It all started out like a usual Saturday. We got up a little later than usual, my person got her coffee, and she gave me a little bit of chicken with my breakfast. I don’t know how it is at your house on Saturday’s, but at ours my person put’s her clothes in that big box that makes them wet and then put’s them in the one that makes them dry. She’ll have music playing…I really like when she has music playing… it’s so nice….anywho…Sorry, I’m getting off topic. Where was I ? … oh yes, Saturday mornings. She also will use this thing she calls a vacuum. Apparently this thing’s job is to suck up things on the floor and make a ton of noise while doing it.

One Friday evening after work, I let me guard down a little. My person put this big long thing into the car that she said she had been “saving up for.” To most kitty’s this would be alarming, but not me. While I love my person, she puts the strangest things in her car, especially from the shop. So when she put this long grey thing (that kind of matched my fur color) into the car, I didn’t think to much about it. It seemed normal…for her.

It was on that Saturday morning that I found out just what that grey thing was.

“Alright Sassy, have you inspected the new vacuum? Is it safe?”

I’ve trained you so well. You really are catching on to what my job is. Let me just inspect it real quick.

“This vacuum is a little bigger than the last one, but it shouldn’t make much more noise.”

Ok, well everything seems to be ok on it.  Wait.. what’s….

“Watch out Sassy, I need to get vacuuming.”

I had seen something that looked a little odd to me, and just as I stepped back… AAAHHHH!!!!!

I am ashamed to say, it almost scared one of my nine lives right out of me! As soon as my person turned that vacuum on, a huge light came to get me!

NO! not the light!  Every kitty knows that when you see the bright flash of a light, well…let’s just say it’s not good…you’re down a life.

I’m too young to lose a life! AAHH!!!!!

I ran under the bed quick as a flash. My person turned the new vacuum off.

“I’m sorry Sassy, I didn’t realize the light on the vacuum was that bright. I din’t mean to scare you.”

I poked my head out form under the bed… Wait…You mean that light was just the vacuum? Oh my goodness, I thought I lost a life. It was just a simple light bulb. Whoa. That was a close call. I took a moment to compose myself, then…Just to let that vacuum know I wasn’t scared of it, I marched right over to it and let it have it…as politely as I could.

Excuse me vacuum, in case you didn’t know, that light trick you pulled, well, it didn’t scare me. …Too much.  I’m on to you, and I’m going to be watching you. You are now officially under my surveillance, and you better keep your little light in check…got it?

No response.

Alright, I’ll take your silence to mean you understood my message. Don’t try anything like that again, or this kitty is going to have to get rough with you. OK?

Silence.

I’m glad you understand.

 

 

Meet…WHAT?!?! (Part 2)

Let me think, where was I at? …..Oh yes… WHAT IS THAT!!!!!

There Anne was, holding this thing. It was tiny. It was actually about my size, but it was not like any Kitty I’d ever seen.

“Hey Sassy, I want  you to meet Chewy.”

What is a Chewy? That can’t be a kitty.  I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do, so I just started at it. Trying to figure out what it was. Obviously it wasn’t dangerous, or Anne wouldn’t be holding it. But just to be sure it wasn’t an enemy, I gave it a very slight Kitty growl. Just to let it know that if it tried anything, it would have to deal with me.

It didn’t move at all after the growl. Well, it obviously doesn’t speak kitty. I thought back in my mind to the family dog at my first home. No, it can’t be a dog, they’re supposed to be bigger than kitty’s.

Next thing I knew, my person was putting me on the ground, and Anne was setting Chewy down (whatever it was). I just stared.

“It’s ok Sassy,” my person said.

NO IT’S NOT! Could someone please tell me what this thing is!

“It’s ok Sassy, Chewy’s a Maltese,” Anne said.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t listening to everything she said. I was busy staring it down. What?! It’s a Malt-ball? What in the world is a Malt-ball?!

“Isn’t it nice having a dog that’s your size Sassy? my person asked.

A MALT-BALL is a DOG! What is wrong with you people! You have the strangest names for things. I’ve read the KGTNH many many times, and no where in there is anything about a Malt-ball!

As I was busy staring Chewy the malt-ball down, it started wagging it’s tail. Every animal knows that’s the universal sign for another animal to play. But, I just wasn’t sure about that.

I think I’ll just sit here if you don’t mind Anne. It was very nice that you wanted me to meet your Malt-ball, but I think I’d like to go home. Person, can we go please.

“Come one Sassy, just say hi,” my person said.

I tried to say hi, but then I realized that Chewy didn’t speak Kitty. I only know a few words in Dog, and I’m kinda rusty on that… IT’S MOVING!!! Why is it moving!

I’m kinda ashamed to say, I ran over to my person terrified. And… I might have climbed up her leg. “It’s ok Sassy.” I’m sorry Anne, maybe I should take Sassy home.”

Thank you so much!!!

Anne picked up Chewy and my person, me. I stared at Chewy thinking, I have to contact the Kitty’s who wrote the KGTNH and tell them to add a type of dog to that book. They will never believe me, that there is a type of Dog called a Malt -Ball.