Yardsticks (Part 1)

My person has some strange things with strange names at the shop.-pliers, double-sided tape, spray glue, the list could really go on forever.

One of the strange things they use is a long shiny silver thing that is so big it’s about the length of 20 kitty’s lined up in a row. What is it this thing called you make ask…well, my person calls it a yardstick.

My person uses it for a ton of different things. Most of time, she lays it on the fabric…why, I’m not really sure…but she lays it on there,  draws a line, and then she cuts it- the line on the fabric that is, not the yard stick.

Now, I’ve always been a little skeptical of these yardsticks. They seem kind of sneaky to me. I have tried to be a kind, understanding Kitty to them. I have even made an effort to try to figure out what language they speak. I have offered them chicken…only a tiny piece though. I’ve pretty much tried every trick in the litter box to get them to open up, but nothing. So I have figured since they really don’t say a whole lot, they keep to themselves, and they don’t seem to be working with the Shadows, I’ll let them be.

However… I do believe they have and evil cousin, brother, sister, not a twin…something related to them …that could in fact be working with the Shadows….

It had been a regular day at the shop. Nothing too exciting: the usual perimeter patrols had taken place, I climbed the door several times, I had inspected all of the incoming furniture and fabric and I could tell it was getting close to the time we would go home.

My person was by a big table, so I climbed up to ask her when we were going….

“We’ll be heading home in just a minute Sassy.”

Oh good.

“Did you see the new yardstick, Sass?”

What new yardstick?

I looked around the table…there was no shiny stick there…

Person, did you use that funny smelling spray glue again today? There’s no yardstick on the table. You forgot the coffee this morning didn’t you…

Then, I heard something….I looked …there was a long thing on the table like a yardstick, but it wasn’t shiny. I went over to smell it when….

AAAHHHH!!!!!!

Back… weird long thing…BACK!!!!!

 

 

 

The Strings!!!

Have you have ever been playing along, very nicely, when all of a sudden what you were playing with seems to come alive… and turns on you…and ATTACKS YOU!!!!

Sorry, I got a bit carried away there. Let me just start from the beginning…

We had just arrived home after a long day at the shop. I jumped up on the bed and took a breather…

“Are you tuckered out Sassy?” my person asked.

I sure am.

“Here’s some dinner for you Sass.”

Oh I love food! I dashed down to my bowl.

“I’ll be right back Sass, I left something in the truck.”

My person came back in caring a strange stick with what looked to be some weird yarn on it.

“What do you think Sass? Do you like the strings?”

I jumped back up on the bed so I could get a better look at this thing.

Let me see…what is this weird yarn thing?…

“Do you like the strings? They’re pretty aren’t they?”

Strings…

I gently batted at them to see they would do..

I like how they swing…AAAHHH

All of a sudden they bounced around!

So you want to play tough do you? I’ll show you tough!

I jumped and grabbed the strings, Swung around to the right …and then to the left…back and forth.

You will not win strings! Don’t you run away from me…Come back here!!!

HAHA!!! Got you!!

All of a sudden my person started laughing.

“Sassy, you make me laugh! You really showed those strings who was boss.”

Of course I did! Did you ever doubt that I couldn’t?

“No, I supoose I didn’t.”

 

 

4th of July (Part 2 – "Fireworms")

Where did I leave off last time? Let me think….Oh yes….

HOLY  BUCKETS!!!!!! WHAT IS THAT!!!!!!!…….

The night sky suddenly got so bright and noisy!

“Oh look at the fireworks!” my person said “They’re so pretty!”

What in the world are FIREWORMS!?!?!

“Sassy….Sassy….”

My person came over and picked me up.

“I’m sorry Sassy, did the fireworks scare you?”

Scared…Me…A tough Stealth Kitty Scared!? I wouldn’t use the word “scared” …maybe “startled.”

“Once you get use to the noise, they’re actually really pretty Sas.”

You know what, she was kind of right. Those fireworms are really pretty…and so big!

They’re so very pretty! I want to touch them! Person, can we touch them?!

“What’s that Sassy?”

The Fireworms…Can we touch them?! They’re so bright!!!!

“I don’t think so Sassy…”

What?

“The Fireworks are far away….you don’t want to touch them…That would hurt.”

Let’s be honest, those fireworms were just so pretty that I was only half listening to my person. I had completely forgotten what the KGTNH had warned about not looking at too many bright lights.

I just wanted to jump out of my persons’s arms and run to the lights!

“Sassy…”

Hmmm

“Sassy…”

Huuuhh

“Sassy do you want a little piece of venison?”

…and just like that…

Wow!!!! what is that AMAZING smell!!!!!

“I thought that would snap you out of it,” my person said kind of laughing.

Wow that venison is so yummy!!!

“I’m glad you like it,” she said with a smile.

So…this whole 4th of July thing.  There’s a ton of noise and bright lights from the fireworms and some amazing food with a really weird name of venison… but over all, it’s pretty fun! I’d do it again!

 

4th of July (Part 2 – “Fireworms”)

Where did I leave off last time? Let me think….Oh yes….

HOLY  BUCKETS!!!!!! WHAT IS THAT!!!!!!!…….

The night sky suddenly got so bright and noisy!

“Oh look at the fireworks!” my person said “They’re so pretty!”

What in the world are FIREWORMS!?!?!

“Sassy….Sassy….”

My person came over and picked me up.

“I’m sorry Sassy, did the fireworks scare you?”

Scared…Me…A tough Stealth Kitty Scared!? I wouldn’t use the word “scared” …maybe “startled.”

“Once you get use to the noise, they’re actually really pretty Sas.”

You know what, she was kind of right. Those fireworms are really pretty…and so big!

They’re so very pretty! I want to touch them! Person, can we touch them?!

“What’s that Sassy?”

The Fireworms…Can we touch them?! They’re so bright!!!!

“I don’t think so Sassy…”

What?

“The Fireworks are far away….you don’t want to touch them…That would hurt.”

Let’s be honest, those fireworms were just so pretty that I was only half listening to my person. I had completely forgotten what the KGTNH had warned about not looking at too many bright lights.

I just wanted to jump out of my persons’s arms and run to the lights!

“Sassy…”

Hmmm

“Sassy…”

Huuuhh

“Sassy do you want a little piece of venison?”

…and just like that…

Wow!!!! what is that AMAZING smell!!!!!

“I thought that would snap you out of it,” my person said kind of laughing.

Wow that venison is so yummy!!!

“I’m glad you like it,” she said with a smile.

So…this whole 4th of July thing.  There’s a ton of noise and bright lights from the fireworms and some amazing food with a really weird name of venison… but over all, it’s pretty fun! I’d do it again!

 

4th of July (Part 1 – Venison Burgers)

4th of July…where is it? Surely there’s something in the KGTNH about this thing they call the 4th of July.

I went through that whole book…NOTHING!

Well, I guess I’ll just have to figure it out myself.

I went to see what my person was doing. She was in the kitchen doing, well, you never know with her what she’s going to be doing.  She was at the counter top.

“Hey Sassy, what are you up to today?”

Just the usual, patrolling the house, keeping us all safe, trying to figure out what the 4th of July is…ya know…What are you doing up there?

“You gonna help me make some venison burgers? People are going to be coming soon, we need to get these on the grill.”

I love when she cooks things on the grill! I’m not 100% sure what a grill is, but all I know, is that when she says she’s cooking on the grill, it always smells so good!!! I also get a little piece of  the food she puts on there. That is ALWAYS a plus.

My person went outside. I’m not usually an outside kitty. Let’s face it, it always seems to be so cold outside and so nice inside. However, I do make an exception for the grill.

What is that smell?!?!

My person already had some of those venison things cooking.

WOW! If those Venison things taste as good as they smell…I really really want some. OH my goodness! They smell so AMAZING!!!

I just had to see what they looked like. I couldn’t wait any longer. I leaped up onto my person’s shoulder. Now, I know what you’re thinking, how could a tiny Kitty like me leap up onto a person’s shoulder. To be honest, I might have kind of climbed up her back a little (which no regular Kitty should ever try)  and then reached her shoulder. Nevertheless, I made it to her shoulder.

The smell….ooohhh the smell.

Person, could I please just have a little piece of that venison thing. There’s plenty there, just a small, little, piece is all I want.

“Ok Sassy, just a small piece.”

OH Thank you!!! Thank you !!!

HOLY COW!!! This is the best tasting thing I’ve ever had!!!!!

I kind of wished no other people were coming and I could just stand there and smell it! However, more people did mean more dropped food. Every good Kitty knows that when you eat the dropped food, you are really just helping your person out by eating it. Then they don’t have to clean it up. I’m sure there’s a section in the KGTNH about it.

The people started coming, and to be honest, I didn’t mind it too much. That is, I didn’t mind it too much until…

HOLY  BUCKETS!!!!!! WHAT IS THAT!!!!!!!…….

 

 

 

 

 

 

To All My Kittys…I Mean Readers

The 4th
Thank you Jim Stapleton for the picture

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for reading what I write. My person and I have decided to take a little break for a couple of weeks. She tells me that a holiday called the 4th of July  is happening and many of you might be traveling.

The real question is…What is the 4th of July?!  I heard something about venison burgers. Once again, what is venison?

Anywho…Like I said, we will be taking a break until July 12th. So make sure you check back then. I’ll have to tell you what I find out about this venison and the 4th of July…so confusing…

Thank you for taking time to read what I write.

~Sassy

The Refrigimaker…Refrigamailer

This is AMAZING! You can  see everything!!!! What is this called and when did you put a mountain in our house!!!

Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself.  I know what your thinking…was it really that exciting? Was it really that big of a deal?  Sassy, aren’t you exaggerating just a little?  Well let me tell you…Yes and NO!!! I mean YES it was really that exciting and that big of a deal and  NO I’m not EXAGGERATING! Have I ever exaggerated to you before! Well, ok maybe just a smidgen…but not this time! Maybe I should start back at the beginning… It all started one morning…

It was a typical morning and I was doing my usual patrol of the house when I realized something was different about the place you get food from. I think my person calls it the kitchen.  Then I saw it…

What is this thing? I asked my person.

No answer.

Person, excuse me, over here. This thing that hasn’t been here before…ummm…..Did you authorize this?

“Hey Sassy, did you see the new refrigerator?”

The refriga -what?

“What do you think  of the new refrigerator?”

My person picked me up.

What is a refrigimaker….refrigamailer?

“See Sassy, it has two doors, here’s the freezer…”

HOLY MICE!!! That’s FREEZING!!!!!

“And here’s the Fridge.”

That’s where you keep the chicken!!!!

But let me tell you, as exciting as chicken is, that was not even the best part…

“I think you’re going to like it Sassy,  ’cause look, you can stand on the top and see all over the house at once.”

 

Refrigimaker

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!! You weren’t kidding this refrigimaker is AMAZING!!!!! It’s like you got me a mountain!!!

I couldn’t believe it! This refidgimailer was going to save me so much time in my morning patrol!!!

I was so excited I leaped from the top of the refrigimaker into my persons arms!

Oh thank you thank you thank you !

“I’m glad you like it,” my person said half laughing.

Person, this truly is one of the best things you’ve ever bought!